Becoming a Heart Mom: Finding Strength in Uncertainty

Becoming a mom for the first time is often overwhelming, intense, and beautiful all in one. When you simultaneously become a first time mom and a heart mom on the same day, it amplifies all of those feelings to a level that only other medical parents can truly understand. It only makes sense that as your child faces a new diagnosis, looming surgeries, and vast amounts of uncertainty that your own mental health begins to take a back seat for a bit. This is how many of us survive as heart parents – once we can get through the worst of it with our children, then we can then pause to care for ourselves once more.

My daughter Meadow was born with a combination of four heart defects called Tetralogy of Fallot – something that I had only once learned about during school as I became a nurse practitioner. I found myself constantly teetering between feeling like Meadow’s mom and Meadow’s medical provider as I knew just enough information about her native heart to ask critical questions of her care team. This teetering though became a slippery slope as we progressed through her care. It was easier to take on the role of being her provider than her mom for me because I was so afraid that we might lose her. It was also easier to live in her medical world than it was to face the intense guilt I felt that she had been born unexpectedly with so many heart defects.

I wouldn’t be diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) until Meadow was six months old, but the guilt surrounding her heart defect was one of my first big clues into my disorder. I would berate myself about what I possibly could have done during my pregnancy that would have caused her heart defects – was it my deodorant? The time I accidentally ate ceviche unknowingly early in my pregnancy? A medication I took before I knew I was even pregnant? The endless questions would make me spiral. Because in the end, there was no real answer. I would never know what caused Meadow’s heart defect, like many of us don’t. 

At its core, OCD is an inability to tolerate uncertainty – you want an exact answer. It is very much all or nothing thinking. When you have a child with a critical and complex congenital heart, there is very little that is ever black or white. The beautiful part though is once you can name this disorder, you can work on it. Through methods of specific OCD treatment like exposure therapy, you can tackle OCD just as well as you do your child’s medical conditions. The work I have done on my mental health and OCD has made me not only a better mom but also a better human. And it helps me to advocate for other heart children and heart parents every single day.

Sarah Michelle Boes, MSN, APRN, FNP-BC, is the Founder of Sarah Michelle NP Reviews and currently serves as the Chief Nursing Officer at Blueprint Test Prep, a new board member for Conquering CHD starting January 2025, and a Committee Chair member for Children’s Heart Foundation Annual Cincinnati Walk. With a robust educational background including a BSN from the University of Kentucky and an MSN in Nursing Education from Western Governors University, Sarah has extensive experience in oncology, intensive care, and nursing education. In 2020, she launched SMNP Reviews, an innovative platform that rapidly grew to a seven-figure business within seven months. Following SMNP Reviews’ acquisition by Blueprint in 2022, Sarah transitioned to a role where she continues to oversee the nursing vertical and integrate cutting-edge educational technologies.

Sarah’s entrepreneurial journey is deeply intertwined with her personal life. Her daughter Meadow, born with severe heart defects, has required extensive medical care, inspiring Sarah’s commitment to pediatric cardiac research and care. In recognition of Meadow’s journey, Sarah and her husband are making a $15 million legacy donation to Norton Children’s Hospital, where the new Congenital Heart Center will be named in their honor. This contribution underscores their dedication to improving healthcare for children with congenital heart conditions.

Beyond her business success, Sarah is a passionate advocate for mental health and female entrepreneurship. Her own experiences with anxiety and OCD have fueled her mission to help others manage mental health challenges, particularly within high-stakes environments like healthcare. She leverages her platform to support female entrepreneurs and promote awareness about the importance of mental well-being in professional settings.